Supporting a Neurodivergent Friend: How to Be There in a Way That Feels Helpful

Friendship is one of the most rewarding aspects of life, but it can also come with challenges—especially when navigating the unique needs and experiences of neurodivergent individuals. Whether your friend has ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or another neurodivergent condition, being a supportive friend means understanding and embracing their unique ways of thinking, processing, and interacting with the world.

As a neurotypical (non-neurodivergent) friend, you can make a significant impact on your friend’s well-being by creating a safe, empathetic, and accommodating environment. The goal isn’t to “fix” your friend’s neurodivergence, but rather to offer understanding, respect, and encouragement. Here are some specific ways to support your neurodivergent friend in a way that feels helpful and authentic.

1. Educate Yourself About Neurodivergence

The first step in supporting a neurodivergent friend is to educate yourself about their specific condition or needs. While every neurodivergent individual is unique, learning about common traits and experiences related to their condition can give you a better understanding of their world.

How to do it:

• Read up: Books, articles, and reputable online resources about neurodivergence can help you understand your friend’s experiences. If they have a specific diagnosis, such as ADHD or autism, you can learn more about what that might mean for them.

• Ask your friend: Be open to asking questions and letting your friend share their perspective. They may appreciate your curiosity and openness, and it shows that you’re committed to learning and being supportive.

Tip: Approach the subject gently—some neurodivergent individuals may not want to explain every aspect of their experience, and that’s okay. Respect their boundaries when it comes to sharing personal information.

2. Be Patient and Flexible with Communication

Communication styles can differ widely between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals. Your friend may take longer to process information, respond in social situations, or have difficulty with nonverbal cues like body language or tone of voice. Understanding these differences will help you be more patient and responsive to their needs.

How to do it:

• Give extra time: If your friend seems to need more time to respond in a conversation, be patient. They might be processing the information, formulating a response, or simply need space to think.

• Be clear and direct: Sometimes, neurodivergent individuals may struggle with abstract or overly complex communication. Be straightforward and use clear language when speaking to them, especially when discussing plans, feelings, or expectations.

• Be mindful of nonverbal cues: For some neurodivergent individuals, understanding body language, facial expressions, or tone of voice can be challenging. If your friend isn’t picking up on your nonverbal cues, be ready to clarify with words.

Tip: If you notice your friend becoming overwhelmed or frustrated during a conversation, gently offer them a break or change the subject. This can give them the space they need to reset.

3. Respect Sensory Sensitivities

Many neurodivergent individuals experience heightened or diminished sensory sensitivities—meaning they may be more sensitive to things like loud noises, bright lights, or certain textures. These sensory experiences can lead to overstimulation or discomfort, so being aware of these sensitivities and respecting them is key to being a supportive friend.

How to do it:

• Ask about sensory preferences: Before attending a social event or activity, ask your friend if there are any sensory factors (like loud music, crowded spaces, or strong smells) that might be overwhelming for them. Offer to accommodate them if possible.

• Offer quiet spaces: If you’re at an event or in a group setting, check in with your friend to see if they need a quiet area to retreat to. A calm, sensory-friendly space can help them reset if they’re feeling overstimulated.

• Be mindful of physical touch: Some neurodivergent individuals may be sensitive to touch or prefer limited physical contact. Always ask before initiating a hug or physical affection, and respect their preferences.

Tip: If your friend does express discomfort with a sensory experience (e.g., a loud noise or bright light), validate their feelings and try to find a way to alleviate the issue, like moving to a quieter spot or dimming the lights.

4. Offer Structured and Predictable Plans

For some neurodivergent individuals, unpredictability or sudden changes in plans can be anxiety-inducing. Offering structure and predictability can help your friend feel more comfortable and prepared for social situations.

How to do it:

• Share plans in advance: Whenever possible, let your friend know the details of upcoming plans ahead of time. This allows them to mentally prepare for the event or activity and feel more at ease.

• Stick to routines: If your friend values routine or structure, try to maintain a consistent plan when you spend time together. Predictable activities and schedules can create a sense of security and help minimize stress.

• Offer flexibility: If plans need to change, let your friend know as early as possible. Allow space for them to process the change and, if necessary, suggest alternatives that could be more comfortable for them.

Tip: Some neurodivergent individuals appreciate having an agenda or timeline for an event. You can provide them with a simple breakdown of what to expect (e.g., “We’ll meet at 5 PM, then go for dinner at 6 PM, and head home by 8 PM”).

5. Be Understanding About Social Challenges

Social situations can sometimes feel overwhelming for neurodivergent individuals. They may struggle with interpreting social cues, maintaining eye contact, or keeping up with the flow of a conversation. This doesn’t mean they don’t value the friendship; it just means they experience social interactions differently.

How to do it:

• Don’t take it personally: If your friend seems distant, doesn’t make eye contact, or struggles with small talk, try not to interpret it as disinterest. It’s often a result of processing difficulties or sensory overload.

• Be supportive during social gatherings: If you’re at a group event, check in with your friend to see how they’re doing. They might need a little encouragement or reassurance, or they may appreciate a quiet moment to reset away from the crowd.

• Offer social support when needed: If your friend is anxious about a social situation, offer to be their support. You can be a familiar face in a new setting, help facilitate introductions, or act as a buffer if they’re feeling overwhelmed.

Tip: It can help to create safe spaces within larger social events where your friend can take a break if needed. This helps them feel supported and reduces the risk of overstimulation.

6. Celebrate Their Strengths and Unique Perspective

Neurodivergent individuals often have strengths and talents that may go unnoticed in mainstream society. They might have a unique perspective on problem-solving, creative thinking, or deep focus in areas of interest. As a friend, it’s important to recognize and celebrate these strengths instead of focusing solely on challenges.

How to do it:

• Acknowledge their abilities: Recognize and praise the qualities that make your friend special. For example, if they have a deep passion for a specific subject, encourage them to share their knowledge with you or others.

• Highlight their contributions: Celebrate their accomplishments, whether big or small. Whether they completed a challenging project, helped with something you’re working on, or overcame a personal hurdle, let them know you’re proud of them.

Tip: Remind your friend of their worth and how much you appreciate them. Positive reinforcement helps boost self-esteem and deepens the connection between you.

7. Be Patient with Growth and Change

As with any friendship, neurodivergent individuals may have periods of growth, change, or emotional difficulty. It’s important to remain patient and understanding as they navigate their journey.

How to do it:

• Provide unconditional support: Let your friend know you’re there for them, regardless of what they’re going through. Whether they’re having a rough day or navigating a big change, your unwavering support will mean a lot to them.

• Respect their pace: Some neurodivergent individuals may need time to adjust to new experiences or relationships. Don’t rush them—allow them to progress at their own pace and create a safe environment for that growth.

Tip: Stay consistent in your support, even during challenging times. Your friend will appreciate the stability and reliability of your friendship.

Final Thoughts on Supporting a Neurodivergent Friend

Being a supportive friend to someone who is neurodivergent requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to learn. By educating yourself, being mindful of their needs, and creating a safe, accommodating space, you can deepen your friendship and provide your neurodivergent friend with the support they deserve. At the end of the day, the most important thing is showing up for your friend with empathy, respect, and a genuine desire to be there for them in the way they need.