How to Explain Stimming to Friends and Family

Stimming, short for self-stimulatory behavior, is something many neurodivergent individuals engage in as a way of managing sensory overload, stress, or emotions. If you or a loved one stims, it’s important to understand its purpose and how to communicate this to friends and family who may not be familiar with it. Explaining stimming can foster empathy and reduce misunderstandings, creating a supportive environment for everyone involved.

1. Start with the Basics: What is Stimming?

The first step in explaining stimming is offering a simple definition. Stimming includes repetitive movements, sounds, or behaviors that people engage in to help manage sensory input or emotions. For example, some individuals may flap their hands, tap their feet, rock back and forth, or repeat certain phrases. While it may seem unusual to someone who doesn’t experience it, stimming is a coping mechanism for many neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with autism or ADHD.

It’s helpful to emphasize that stimming isn’t inherently bad or harmful. It’s a natural and important part of self-regulation for some people. In fact, stimming can serve as a way to calm the nervous system or focus attention. So, rather than seeing it as a behavior that needs to be "corrected," it should be understood as a necessary tool for navigating the world.

2. Explain the Purpose Behind Stimming

Make it clear to your friends and family that stimming has a functional purpose. For many people, stimming serves as a way to manage sensory overload, anxiety, or frustration. It can also help people focus, process emotions, or self-soothe when overwhelmed. For example, an individual might engage in stimming behaviors like hand-flapping or tapping to release nervous energy before a big presentation or to cope with a crowded or noisy environment.

Some people stim to create a sense of predictability and control in a world that might feel chaotic or overstimulating. For others, it’s a way to focus attention during tasks that require concentration. Each person's stimming may be unique, and it’s important to understand that it's not something that should be suppressed or ignored. It’s simply a different way of interacting with the world.

3. Address Common Misunderstandings

Stimming is often misunderstood by those unfamiliar with neurodivergence. Friends or family members may view it as a sign of distress or bad behavior, and sometimes they might even respond negatively by telling someone to stop. However, it’s important to explain that telling someone to stop stimming doesn’t address the underlying need and can make them feel ashamed or misunderstood.

Point out that stimming should not be viewed in the same way as disruptive or inappropriate behavior. It’s simply a natural response to various situations, and in many cases, it’s a healthier alternative to other coping mechanisms like self-harm or withdrawing completely from a situation.

4. Give Examples of Stimming in Different Situations

Providing specific examples can help friends and family understand stimming in context. For instance:

• Stress Relief: Someone might rub their hands together or bounce their leg to calm down when they feel anxious or overwhelmed.

• Focus Aid: A person might spin a pen or tap their fingers while concentrating on a task.

• Self-Soothing: Repetitive behaviors, such as rocking or humming, can be a way of providing comfort in moments of emotional overload or sensory discomfort.

• 
  

By framing stimming as a response to specific situations, your loved ones can better understand why it’s happening and what it’s trying to achieve. It can also make the behaviors feel more relatable, as many people engage in their own forms of self-soothing, like pacing when they’re anxious or biting their nails when stressed.

5. Encourage Open Communication

Encourage open dialogue about stimming and invite questions from friends and family. Sometimes, people might feel uncomfortable or unsure about how to respond to stimming behaviors. By allowing your loved ones to ask questions and express their feelings in a non-judgmental way, you can create a safe space for better understanding.

You might say something like, “I know it might seem odd, but this is something I do to help manage stress or focus. I appreciate your understanding, and if you ever have questions or feel unsure, let’s talk about it.”

6. Discuss Respecting Boundaries

While it’s essential to make others aware of stimming, it’s also important to acknowledge that not everyone may be comfortable with certain behaviors, especially if they’re done in public spaces or during social gatherings. Having a conversation about respecting personal boundaries is key. You might suggest alternatives that allow the individual to stim privately when needed, such as stepping outside to get some fresh air or carrying a fidget toy.

At the same time, remind friends and family that stimming should not be viewed as a "problem" to be fixed, but rather a natural and healthy part of life for many neurodivergent people.

7. Be Patient and Compassionate

Ultimately, patience and compassion are crucial when explaining stimming to others. It may take time for friends and family to fully understand or become comfortable with it. However, the more information they have, the more they’ll be able to support you in your journey. And, as you continue to educate them about neurodivergence, they will be better equipped to respond with empathy and kindness.

8. Provide Resources for Understanding and Supporting Stimming

If you or your loved ones want to dive deeper into understanding stimming and neurodivergence, there are plenty of resources available. Here are some books and websites that offer valuable insights:

Books:

• "Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity" by Steve Silberman

  • This book explores the history of autism and the neurodiversity movement, helping readers understand how behaviors like stimming are part of the broader context of neurodivergence.

• "The Reason I Jump: One Boy's Voice from the Silence of Autism" by Naoki Higashida

  • Written by a nonverbal autistic teen, this memoir provides insight into the inner workings of someone with autism, including their experiences with stimming.

Websites:

• Autism Speaks (www.autismspeaks.org): Offers a wide range of resources on autism, including articles and information on stimming, behavior management, and sensory needs.

• The National Autistic Society (www.autism.org.uk): A UK-based organization with articles, toolkits, and videos about autism, including information on stimming and sensory processing.

• The Stimming Institute (www.stimminginstitute.org): A dedicated resource focusing on stimming behaviors, offering educational materials and support for individuals and their families.

Final Thoughts About How to Explain Stimming

Explaining stimming to friends and family is about building understanding and compassion. By defining stimming, addressing misconceptions, and encouraging open dialogue, you can help those around you see stimming for what it truly is: a vital, adaptive behavior that plays an important role in self-regulation. Through these conversations, you can create a more supportive and accepting environment where neurodivergent individuals are respected and understood.